idiot

It's official. I'm an idiot. It's either due to my new "cocktail", bipolar, or a combo of the two. But, today, I sat down to do a very menial task (pay bills for a client) and couldn't concentrate. I ran out of checks. I cried about it. I think that this is what marked today as the day I realized that I have turned into an idiot. I have been doing bookkeeping stuff for at least 20 years. It is NOT a hard task for me. So, not only can I not work, I can't even do the smallest of tasks that I use to in order to help my family. I don't even want to start on the housekeeping. That has been in the crapper for months. Try, try, fail, fail. I am even having trouble typing. I truly feel like I have turned into an idiot, and I don't want to be this stupid person. Not when I know what I use to be able to do. This is like mental hell. I hope it's just side effects that will go away, but my pessimistic mind is telling me that it's only going to get worse. Shoot me now. Please.