idiot

It's official. I'm an idiot. It's either due to my new "cocktail", bipolar, or a combo of the two. But, today, I sat down to do a very menial task (pay bills for a client) and couldn't concentrate. I ran out of checks. I cried about it. I think that this is what marked today as the day I realized that I have turned into an idiot. I have been doing bookkeeping stuff for at least 20 years. It is NOT a hard task for me. So, not only can I not work, I can't even do the smallest of tasks that I use to in order to help my family. I don't even want to start on the housekeeping. That has been in the crapper for months. Try, try, fail, fail. I am even having trouble typing. I truly feel like I have turned into an idiot, and I don't want to be this stupid person. Not when I know what I use to be able to do. This is like mental hell. I hope it's just side effects that will go away, but my pessimistic mind is telling me that it's only going to get worse. Shoot me now. Please.

crazy

when the doctor asks you.... "how are you feeling"? have you ever wanted to just say flat out... "well, doc. considering that I called you-i think that means i'm feeling pretty shitty." duh! the next time i am describing my "symptoms" and i'm asked "do you have any thoughts of hurting yourself or others"? i just might flip the person off. i mean, seriously! can you phrase it another way... or is it in the textbook at shrink school that you have to word it that way?